Cashiering at Christmas, part 2 -- The Grouchy Customers

With customers, I always have my moments. There are some who, with their OCD bagging obsessions (all the shirts in one bag, all the pants in another, all folded perfectly) leave me ready to take their bags to the car for them if it will get them out of the store. There are the customers who question every single price. And then there are these customers:

I'm standing at my register and here comes this woman with a Hanna Montana guitar and a big toy truck. She's totally excited.
Customer: "I can't believe a found a Hanna Montana guitar! I've looked everywhere for a Hanna Montana guitar! I even looked at your other store this morning and they didn't have one, but I finally found one!"
Me: (in my very best promote-our-store voice) "Well, I'm so glad you were able to find one here! People have been able to find a lot of hard-to-find toys here!"

I rang up her truck, put it in our largest bag and rang up the guitar. Including the box it was in, it was the size of a regular guitar. Anyway, I gave her the total. She handed me a ToysRus card. Uh....this ain't ToysRus.

Me: That's your ToysRus card.
Customer: I know. (trying to hand it to me).
Me: We don't take ToysRus cards.
Customer: Yes, you do! This isn't a credit card, it's a points card! Everywhere I buy toys, I have them scan this card, and I earn points. I did it at your other store just this morning.

Now I'd never seen this before and knew there was nowhere on our computer for other stores' points programs, but I called the manager. He had never heard of it either, said the computer wouldn't take it and we couldn't do it. I informed the customer of this and she went ballistic.

Customer: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU CAN'T TAKE IT? That's stupid, it's just stupid! They took it at your other store just this morning!!!"
Me: (I can imagine the other store scanned it just to pacify her, even though the computer would spit the numbers back out so I say calmly) We can't take it.
Customer: Well, that's just STUPID!! (stuffing her card back into her purse with a gusto and tossing her head as she slides a real credit card, still muttering and griping. Then she turns on me again.) Well don't you have a BAG for this guitar?!?!?
Me: (getting pretty annoyed) No, I don't have a bag big enough for it.
Customer: YOU DON'T HAVE A BAG BIG ENOUGH FOR IT!! IN THIS WHOLE STORE THERE'S NOT A BAG BIG ENOUGH FOR IT?? (tossing her head with her hands on her hips)
Me: No. The biggest bag I have is the one this truck is in.
Customer: Well, it's RAINING outside!!
Me: (Well, I can't stop the rain, is what I'm thinking, but I say firmly) I don't have a bag big enough.

She really thought she was going to make me come up with a bag. When she saw that I wasn't going to, she was still mad, but she gave up.

Customer: Well, give me one of those to put over half of it then. That way at least HALF of it can stay dry. (That was supposed to be a fatal stab to make me feel guilty)
Me: (I put the bag over half over it for her-- and the one bag didn't even cover half of that big box. I would have put one over the other half, but she started to snatch away, so I asked very nicely) Would you like me to put a bag over the other half?
Customer: (all but screaming) No, I wouldn't!! FORGET IT!! JUST FORGET IT!!
She snatched up her track and her Hanna Montana guitar, and away she flounced.

This is no exaggeration, within fifteen minutes, I had another experience. My line had backed up, so I called for additional cashiers. I was in the middle of bagging up a huge order for one customer, and the next customer was already piling an equally huge order up on the counter. While I'm in the middle of trying to shove a blanket in our not-large-enough bags to pacify this customer, I see a women holding a stuffed monkey shove around the customer who's piling her order on the counter. I look at her, the customer looks at her, and she screams, "ALL I HAVE IS A MONKEY AND I'M GOING NEXT!!"

My thought was "BREAK!! I NEED A BREAK!!"