Things Change........

This year is almost half over?! I can't believe it. Time is flying by. I remember when I was little, feeling like every birthday and Christmas were light years apart. Now I take down the Christmas tree, blink, and it's time to put it back up again. When I was a kid, however, the passing time reflected little to me -- getting new toys, reading new books, and working through each school year with the sole object of getting to summer vacation as soon as possible.

Well, as time goes by, things change. I have thought I was an adult for a while now, but in the last two years I have really, really had to grow up. Mom wasn't here to help me anymore. Did I even realize that she was helping me?? I have had to take on more responsibilities than ever before in life, and, despite the assurances from my married friends that I really have no responsibilities at all, I assure them in return that, though single I have my fair share of responsibilities. In fact, I have even been known to argue with them that I have more -- after all, they get to split their burdens in half. There are two people to get the bills paid, take care of the kids, and make decisions with. I have to make the money to pay the bills, write the checks, and remember to pay them all by myself. I also have to make the decisions on my own -- whether to take on a payment, a project, apply for a job, what classes to take. And as the bigger decisions in life come up, such as whether I should move away from my family to pursue a job opportunity or continue school to complete a four-year degree, I have to decide which way to go by myself. My friends also tell me how good I've got it -- after all I am footloose and fancy-free to make my own decisions. Maybe they are right, but they haven't convinced me yet.

But, like I said, things change. I used to have different plans and ideas about my life. But, things have not fallen into place as I thought they would. And I have decided that the best things I can do for myself is to do the next thing that is in front of me. Not giving up or settling or forgetting my original ideas, but trusting that I am in the place in life I am for a reason. Not worrying and crying or feeling left out because of what I don't have, but to look at what opportunities I do have and what I can do right now. I can finish my degree, make new friends, take vacations -- and enjoy these things. Jim Eliot said, "Let not longing slay the appetite for living" and I am trying to live by that. I would prefer not make decisions by myself and pursuing a degree and career was never high on my priority list. But these are the opportunities that I have today, so instead of worrying about what I wish they were I am going to enjoy them. And you know, they are not as bad as I thought they would be!

Worry is an awful thing. And I am a worry wart. Worry causes sleepless nights, tension headaches, lockjaw, weight gain, and temper tantrums. I can't back that up with scientific evidence, but believe me, it can. And Jesus said, "Who by worrying can add one cubit to his stature?" So instead of worrying about what I don't have, when I will get it, what decisions I should make, and what classes I should take, I am trying to change my outlook. And simply take life one day at a time, one decision at a time. It's not a big thing, but it does help. And I know that there is Someone always there to help me, who will never leave or forsake me. I know that He has a plan for me and I trust in that.